Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Work, home, work, home....

Since I haven't been out and about much, I haven't been taking any pictures.  Sooo....here is one of favorite pictures I took during the winter a couple of years ago.  I have this one framed in my bedroom.  It just turned out just perfect, luckily for me.  

I go to work, go home, go to work, go home.  To hot still to go out and hike or even just walk around the block for me.  The light isn't great when I get home for picture taking, and by the time it is, I'm to tired to even get off the couch.  Been trying to do better, but for some reason (which I know what it is) I can't seem to get myself together.  I feel as if I'm flying apart into a million pieces and can't seem to get myself together.  I've been suffering from panic attacks too.  I start feeling claustrophobic and have to talk myself through them.  I'm not sleeping very well, oh I fall asleep the minute I hit the pillow, but staying asleep is a whole other problem.  I wake up early, usually around 4:00 am and just stay up doing things to take my mind off of things.  I know some of this is grief from my Dad passing, but a lot of it is depression.  I finally have an appointment the end of October, the soonest I could get an appointment to get me some help.  I'm okay, but I could be better.  I will be better, it's just gonna take some time.

A lot of things are good, and I see blessings in my life everyday.  That's what is keeping me going right now.  I just have to keep counting those blessings and praying for help and keep walking straight ahead through the tough times.



8 comments:

Karen Ann said...

I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your father - boy am I behind the times here... and I have suffered from panic attacks in the past too.. they can be debilitating. I learned a little chant that has helped me get past the bad moments.. they don't happen often at all any more.. and what I say to myself is.. "well, what the heck are you gonna panic right now for...ok, you feel like you're gonna die? Then Die. It's all over then.".. and it sort of brings me back to the reality of the moment. For a while they were terrible... but I did get past them and they hardly ever happen now. Dealing with stress and taking up exercise and better eating habits helped a lot. Yoga! Just simple yoga at home.

EG CameraGirl said...

It's a gorgeous photo, Susan. Winter sure is beautiful in your neck of the woods!

I'm glad you are seeking help. There's no need for you to feel bad or tired all the time! And your wise enough to know that it takes time to heal.

TexWisGirl said...

sweet pea, i'm sending you a hug. i hope you can get some relief soon.

i've been feeling the ups and downs of changes lately and am trying to find a new rhythm to life. i have to remember to give myself a break and not try to expect perfection or even 'happiness' right away. that things will take time. *sigh*

Florida Farm Girl said...

Bless you girl. I sure hope you can get some help and will soon be back on even keel. Know we're all thinking about you and wishing you well.

Cheryl @ TFD said...

I'm sorry you are going through all this now. I will be praying for you. Wish I lived closer so I could come by and give you a hug and bring a plate of goodies, too. Take care and know that I'm thinking of you and praying! Hugs, Cheryl
PS That is a gorgeous photo, the first thought I had when I saw it was that it should be framed, then I read it was!

Jeanne said...

Susan am so sorry that you are having all of these struggles. It is no fun to battle with depression, and the panic attacks are certainly no fun to add. I know you have experienced this in the past, so bet you have some coping skills, but glad you have an upcoming appointment. Will be thinking of you and hoping you get some relief soon. Maybe will help when the heat is better and it is easier to get out in to nature. Hugs to you from Texas

Rose said...

Susan, just now seeing this. Oh, Girly, I feel for you. I will be so glad that for you to get some help.

Mariusz from Nowy Sacz said...


Picture really is excellent:)