Saturday, September 12, 2015

Saturday afternoon....

 It has been a very hectic and sad time.  My level of anxiety has hit it's all time high.  Been on my knees alot praying for the strength to just push through it all and deal with it.  All kinds of different feelings go through me.  I'm relieved for my Dad, because he's not in pain anymore.  He whispered to my daughter, "I don't know how to get well anymore."  The last time I saw him, the doctor had inserted a feeding tube in him because he kept choking on his food.  I said to him, Wow Dad a feeding tube, bummer!  He smiled that great smile he had, and said, "yeah, I can't even sneak in a couple sips of Mountain Dew".  Made me laugh.  He was a Mountain Dew addict.  He loved the stuff.
 He was in the sunset of his life.  My Mom was so tender and never left his side the last two weeks of his life.  I was amazed and impressed by this.  What a wonderful example she is to me.  Married 70 some years, through hard times and good.  Now she tells me, "I wouldn't want him back, he was suffering and I don't want him to go through that again.  He's at peace".  That is what comforts her.
She knows in her heart that he is with my brother who died when he was 2 years old.  And I think she may be just a bit jealous because she isn't with them.  She's 93, so it may not be long.
I am looking forward to cooler temps and crisp air.  We're supposed to get rain this coming week, and boy oh boy do we need it!  Everyone has gone home to their respective places.  My son Jason left yesterday for Stockholm, Sweden where he lives.  It was so hard to let him go.  But it is what's best.
I've watered plants outside, vacuumed, dusted, laundry and now I'm cooking some chicken for a new recipe I'm going to try for dinner tonight and Tiah is snoozing on the couch, snoring away.  Just keeping myself busy and keeping an eye on my Mom.

Hope you are all doing well.

Susan

9 comments:

TexWisGirl said...

grieving will take some time and will certainly overwhelm you at unexpected moments. don't push yourself to feel 'normal' as it'll just make things harder. as for your mother, what a dear soul...

Sandi said...

Like the comment above says, it takes time. My Dad passed last year and it's like it was yesterday. But you have a good outlook and so does your Mom, bless her heart.

Deb said...

Sorry to hear of your dad's passing. My mom and dad have both been gone a while now. Isn't it wonderful to have the knowledge that you will be able to see him again, and that Families are Forever! I love your beautiful photos.

CDH said...

Beautiful fall colors.
Before my dad passed, I had a real hard time with how fragile he looked.
I don't think my grieving ever goes away. It just gets a little easier. Give yourself time. And hang with your mom!
Cheri

Florida Farm Girl said...

Oh, Susan, I know it hurts so much. Hold on to the good memories. We must move on, though we sometimes don't want to do so.

Janet said...

What a lovely post. As others have said, it does take time and it will get easier to bare. You will always have your memories of him. It must be very hard on your mother too. Even if sometimes it doesn't seem so.

Talk to her when you can about him and their " story". She may tell you things you never knew before that you can cherish. :)

My mom is still hanging in there at the nursing home. I don't know how long it will be for her. I don't know how I will be when it happens. I want to be strong. I need to be for my sister.

Isn't it great to know what we know? That we will see them again? What a strength the Gospel is, especially at these times. :)

Take care my friend.
Janet W. (((((HUGS)))))

Lori said...

Love all of you so much! That comment he made to your daughter brought tears to my eyes. Glad you are keeping an eye on your sweet mom. I am waiting for her to come and visit our way so i can give her a hug. She is a good and strong woman with a very good heart. I love the mountain dew comment. what a sweet sweet man.

Rose said...

It does take time...time will pass and it gets easier. You always carry them in your heart. You just sometimes would give anything to talk to them again!

Jeanne said...

Dear Susan! So sorry to hear of your dad's death. It is a very hard time losing your parents. been there and so understand how hard it is. You are lucky to still have your mom. Hugs to you