Sunday, July 20, 2014


Depression, it's a debilitating and hideous disease. You lose your ability to think, to concentrate on anything, to feel joy, to feel anything at all for that matter.  You lose yourself.  You are tired, the world is gray, you find yourself in a world that you hate, but you don't have the ability to rise up out of it. You quit caring what you look like, food isn't interesting anymore, it takes great effort just to put one foot in front of the other.

I have it, really bad this summer.  My doctor has been trying different kinds of medicine on me, trying to find something that will work.  I had been able to manage it for quite awhile with the medicine I was on, but all of a sudden it quit working.  So here I go again, hoping something will work and soon.  I feel like I'm in a big bubble and I'm screaming my heart out, but no one hears, no one notices that I'm banging on the bubble, no notices me at all.  I feel like I've been living in a fog.  I was driving down the street the other day, and I looked to my left.  All of a sudden I saw a street that I hadn't really seen in a long time.  It bothered me, I didn't realize it was that bad, I haven't really looked around for a long time.

Now understand I'm not expressing all of this for sympathy, I don't want that.  But I do want understanding and someone to listen, but most of all I want to bring understanding to this disease.  That's exactly what it is, a disease.  It's not something I have because I like to be sad, it's not something I have because I want attention.  Quite the opposite, it's a disease just like diabetes, or cancer, and it's awful. Do you know that I can't get life insurance because I have depression?  Isn't that interesting?  

Anyway, I certainly do hope that you all are having a good summer.  I will try my best to post more pics when I can.  Funny how I even forget I have a camera.  Love you all!



CDH said...

Depression is awful! My sons girlfriend has mild depression. She says all I need sometimes is a quiet hug.
So, I am sending you a quiet hug. :)

TexWisGirl said...

i am sorry, dear friend. i do hope your physician can find the right medical assistance, soon!

Terra said...

I am listening and sending you a hug.

Anonymous said...

Hi Susan, I, too, am praying that the dr. can find what works for you. I'm so sorry and I care very much. I have a blog friend in Georgia who struggles with depression and has decided to blog about her journey. I think the two of you would enjoy one another's blogs. Her name is Bonnie and here is the link: Love you. Mildred

EG CameraGirl said...

Hi Susan,

I think it's great that you have allowed yourself to admit you suffer from depression. That's a BIG step. I do hope your doctor can help you find something that will make you feel better. I have a very good friend who also suffers from depression so I have a bit of an idea of what you are going through. I wish you all the best!

Cheryl @ TFD said...

Susan, I'm so sorry you are battling depression and I hope and pray that your doctor finds a medicine to help you. I am here anytime you need me. You are loved. Take care and know you'll be in my prayers.

White Lace and Promises said...

Oh sweetheart I feel your pain. I have fought this all my life and have been on antidepressants since my daughter was born 32 years ago. Then 10 years ago I had a break down didn't want to live and didn't want to die. I have two blogs. For 4 years I have been blogging about my life including depression and had so much on depression that I started a new blog, the upside of down. White Lace and Promises has posts when I wS at my lowest. You can search my blog with the label depression. Please email me at and we'll talk. I am right now trying to get my medication adjusted.

Buttons said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Buttons said...

Oh Susan I too have suffered from depression and no doubt will again it is always a struggle. I can hear you and so will all who you have shared this with never believe that you are alone in this, there are many.
It is a disease that should not be hidden.
" I feel like I'm in a big bubble and I'm screaming my heart out, but no one hears, no one notices that I'm banging on the bubble, no notices me at all".
Take care and I do hear and will always notice you great writing. you HUGS B

Angie said...

Oh I'm sorry, depression is such a terrible thing. I myself suffer from it and know how horrible it can be. I pray they get your meds lined out soon and you start feeling much better.

Lori said...

I too am so sorry. I wish i could say or do something that would ease your burden. We all care about you. I too hope that you will get a break from this. Prayers and thoughts for you!!! I guess you take every day minute by minute. hour by hour. and you do your best.

Kerin said...

I am so sorry.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope that each day is just a bit sunnier for you.

I saw a quote that is very comforting... " Broken minds can be healed, just the way broken bones, and broken hearts are healed.
While God is at work making those repairs, the rest of us can help by being merciful, nonjudgmental, and kind". ~~ Jeffery R. Holland

May we all remember that. May we all be kind to one another, through our trials.


S. Etole said...

Praying that you will soon receive the right medication that will help you. You are valued.

Busy Bee Suz said...

I can't imagine how awful that must feel.
I pray/hope that your Dr. can find something that works for you. Sending warm hugs and lots of love.

Rose said...

Oh, Susan, I too wish people could understand that it is not just something you can talk yourself out of or into. It is not about a mood, it is a chemical imbalance. Which may make you seem moody.

I have heard people say that if you are depressed, just to get up and go do something for someone else. What those people don't understand is that people with depression are struggling with just their day to day living.

Anyway, I love you girl! Always love seeing your smiling face in comments or email.

Jeanne said...

So sorry Susan that this has got you in its grips right now. I can empathize as this is something that runs in my family, and I myself battle this at times. Sending you a big hug, and hoping that you find the right med to make you feel better soon

Connie said...

Praying for you, as I, too suffer the deep despair of depression. Horrible disease!