Depression, it's a debilitating and hideous disease. You lose your ability to think, to concentrate on anything, to feel joy, to feel anything at all for that matter. You lose yourself. You are tired, the world is gray, you find yourself in a world that you hate, but you don't have the ability to rise up out of it. You quit caring what you look like, food isn't interesting anymore, it takes great effort just to put one foot in front of the other.
I have it, really bad this summer. My doctor has been trying different kinds of medicine on me, trying to find something that will work. I had been able to manage it for quite awhile with the medicine I was on, but all of a sudden it quit working. So here I go again, hoping something will work and soon. I feel like I'm in a big bubble and I'm screaming my heart out, but no one hears, no one notices that I'm banging on the bubble, no notices me at all. I feel like I've been living in a fog. I was driving down the street the other day, and I looked to my left. All of a sudden I saw a street that I hadn't really seen in a long time. It bothered me, I didn't realize it was that bad, I haven't really looked around for a long time.
Now understand I'm not expressing all of this for sympathy, I don't want that. But I do want understanding and someone to listen, but most of all I want to bring understanding to this disease. That's exactly what it is, a disease. It's not something I have because I like to be sad, it's not something I have because I want attention. Quite the opposite, it's a disease just like diabetes, or cancer, and it's awful. Do you know that I can't get life insurance because I have depression? Isn't that interesting?
Anyway, I certainly do hope that you all are having a good summer. I will try my best to post more pics when I can. Funny how I even forget I have a camera. Love you all!