Wednesday, November 20, 2013

The first thing I'm gonna do....

The first thing I'm gonna do is apologize ahead of time for this post, but I need to get a few things off my chest, and I can't think of anyone better than my friends in the blog world to talk to...

"I have a new philosophy.  I'm only going to dread one day at a time"  Charles Schulz

Worry, dread, hopelessness, scared, depressed, blue, wonder.  All of the feelings I've been feeling these last few days.  Do you know the story about the man who is sitting on the roof of his house as a flood grows nearer and nearer to him, praying that God will save him?  A boat comes by and offers the man a ride, and he says no, God will save me.  Another boat comes by and offers him a ride, and he says no, God will save me.  So when he finally drowns, and meets God on the other side, he asks God, "why didn't you save me?" God answers, "well I tried, I sent two boats for you to take, but you didn't take them."  Well, I've been asking God the same thing.  Please help me, please send someone to help me.  For a long time I didn't see that help that I needed for so long until just the other day.  My son, who has been working on a budget for me to get in a better place, said to me the other day, Mom when all your bills are paid, you have $5.00 left over.  Depression set in.  I've worked hard all my life, raising 5 children, working 8 to 10 hours a day, just to get by.  JUST TO GET BY.  No extras, no vacations, no new clothes, no eating out at restaurants, no, no, no.  He said to me, Mom people at McDonalds make more than you.  Wow, that made me feel even worse.  Then the other day, while sitting outside wondering how I'm gonna make it, I realized my boat is here.  My son!  Jason is doing his best to get my affairs in order.  He even gave me money (which he needs for his move to France) to pay off my computer.  I only have two more credit type bills that need to be paid off, and he has called his brother and sisters and asked for money to pay them off for my Christmas present.  Am I blessed or what.  He called my cable TV people and got my bill reduced by $10.00 and I need to cancel my Netflix subscription.  He looked at me and said, $8.00 dollars is 8 more than you had.  I share my phone account with my daughter in Virginia and I only pay $58.00 but he convinced her to pay the $8.00 so I only pay $50.00.  I share my cable with another daughter and he told her she isn't paying half and she should be.  I would pay money (i don't have) to have seen her face when he told her that.  He put me on a $50.00 a week for groceries and I will be doling out food very carefully for awhile, but he wants me to put $168.00 a month in a savings account in case of emergencies.  NO touching it Mom!
Just writing this has helped me see my blessings.  Jason has in a very nonjudgmental and kind way been doing his best to help me and educate me on interest rates, and all that budget stuff that I have never understood before.  He has been my boat and is saving me from struggling, and treading water anymore than I need to.

I am so grateful for you all.  I really am.  I feel that I have friends all over that I can go to when I need a listening ear.  I feel the need to tell you that I am glad I felt I could come to you and write down my feelings, that helped me see my blessings.

God bless you all!  Love you.....Susan

24 comments:

Deb said...

I'm so glad your son is there to help you....you raised him right...

Deb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deb said...

I'm so glad your son is there to help you....you raised him right...

Deb said...

I'm so glad your son is there to help you....you raised him right...

Deb said...

I'm so glad your son is there to help you....you raised him right...

Deb said...

I'm so glad your son is there to help you....you raised him right...

Deb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jeanne said...

When I get in to a place like this, I try to pray and TRUST. The trusting part is the hard part. Have you ever had to live on the street... gone hungry, begged on a street corner.. Probably not, so see, you CAN TRUST GOD IS TAKING CARE OF YOU., and also sounds as if your son is a great help.In my own life, I just try to trust for one day at a time, because looking way out there in the future is way to big... Maybe you should charge each of your kids "back pay". LOL! 25$ a month for all you have done for them. That could add up. Hugs to you, and know you will be fine with your kids to help out.

CDH said...

What an awesome child you have there! You are very blessed that he loves you unconditionally and isn't afraid to take you by the hand and point you in a good direction. :)
Most the time God isn't right on the surface. If He was, we wouldn't have anything to look for in times of need and blessings!

S. Etole said...

What a gift that you and your son can work this out together. Some things truly are priceless even though they can be difficult.

Rose said...

Oh, Susan, I did not not you were going through times this tough. What a wonderful son you have....and he is right the $8 is more than you had...and $8 here and $10 there add up.

Sometimes I go to an on-line coupon place and have saved as much as $11 or $12 and that is not doubling of any coupons. Just 50 cents here, 75 cents there, or maybe a $1 off two of an item. And all on stuff I would buy...sometimes I might have to buy those two items...but hey, if it is something I use all the time, it will be nice to have it ahead.

What I am trying to say is that it all adds up...hope you can get till it is not so hard to just survive.



Lori said...

One step at a time! It will all work out. So glad your son is there for you.

Kerin said...

Oh, my sweet friend..... you are an inspiration.
You have reminded me to know when to ask for help, then appreciate the help that our Heavenly Father sends us. Even if it isn't the kind of help that we thought we needed.
I am so glad that you have a son that loves you so much, and is able to help you out. He's probably so proud of you and for the way that you raised him too!!!

Keep up the great attitude of gratitude!!!

Smiles :)
K

TexWisGirl said...

your son is really an angel. his help, his guidance and advice - his non-judgement, most of all. bless him and bless you, dear one!

Terri Buster said...

Your son is a real peach to help you like that- I hope that things smooth out for you soon. Blessings!

gowestferalwoman said...

One step at a time. and having a son like Jason is priceless, you know ;)

One of the things that i have learned over the years that it is the dollar you save, not the dollar you earn, that keeps you ahead. And that gratitude for even the littlest things (like, "the sun came up today, yay!" or "I have 3 eggs left in the carton, yay!" :) really is worth its weight in gold.

hugs to (((susan!!!)))

Jeanne said...

Hope you are just keeping on putting one foot in front of the other. Are there any aid type things that you qualify for with your income... for instance food stamps can be an amazing help. Sometimes the electric companies in Texas will discount your bills as you get a little bit older. Thinking about you Susan, and sending you a Texas size hug!

Buttons said...

Oh Susan HUGS HUGS HUGS not too many is it. I know that they help me so I thought I would send you lots. You have a remarkable son Jason but you also have a remarkable family who are willing to listen to Jason to help their Mom. You will get there Susan I have no doubt because the apple never falls far from the tree and Jason is probably the perfect apple. Thank you Jason we can all learn from these lessons shared with your Mom. Have fun while gone and don't forget Mom's need lots of hugs even if they are virtual. Hugs to Susan Bxo

Lincoln Madison said...
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Lincoln Madison said...
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White Lace and Promises said...

Reading back through some of your posts about depression and I can tell you I have been through every emotion that you have. It's a disease that no one understands and the medical and Christian world says do not speak about it. I too have financial struggles and I have to be behind in payments just to go see my children who live 6 hours away. Our son owes us for a car and he can't pay because of his school loans. My parents died within six months of each other and when I lost them, I lost all of my family. Everything changed. Please visit my blog and please let me reach out to you. I understand. I really do. I will be praying for you. I am on 4 medications for Bipolar depression, panic disorder and anxiety. It's frustrating and a constant battle. I have to fully lean on Jesus. He is my only hope.