The first thing I'm gonna do is apologize ahead of time for this post, but I need to get a few things off my chest, and I can't think of anyone better than my friends in the blog world to talk to...
"I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time" Charles Schulz
Worry, dread, hopelessness, scared, depressed, blue, wonder. All of the feelings I've been feeling these last few days. Do you know the story about the man who is sitting on the roof of his house as a flood grows nearer and nearer to him, praying that God will save him? A boat comes by and offers the man a ride, and he says no, God will save me. Another boat comes by and offers him a ride, and he says no, God will save me. So when he finally drowns, and meets God on the other side, he asks God, "why didn't you save me?" God answers, "well I tried, I sent two boats for you to take, but you didn't take them." Well, I've been asking God the same thing. Please help me, please send someone to help me. For a long time I didn't see that help that I needed for so long until just the other day. My son, who has been working on a budget for me to get in a better place, said to me the other day, Mom when all your bills are paid, you have $5.00 left over. Depression set in. I've worked hard all my life, raising 5 children, working 8 to 10 hours a day, just to get by. JUST TO GET BY. No extras, no vacations, no new clothes, no eating out at restaurants, no, no, no. He said to me, Mom people at McDonalds make more than you. Wow, that made me feel even worse. Then the other day, while sitting outside wondering how I'm gonna make it, I realized my boat is here. My son! Jason is doing his best to get my affairs in order. He even gave me money (which he needs for his move to France) to pay off my computer. I only have two more credit type bills that need to be paid off, and he has called his brother and sisters and asked for money to pay them off for my Christmas present. Am I blessed or what. He called my cable TV people and got my bill reduced by $10.00 and I need to cancel my Netflix subscription. He looked at me and said, $8.00 dollars is 8 more than you had. I share my phone account with my daughter in Virginia and I only pay $58.00 but he convinced her to pay the $8.00 so I only pay $50.00. I share my cable with another daughter and he told her she isn't paying half and she should be. I would pay money (i don't have) to have seen her face when he told her that. He put me on a $50.00 a week for groceries and I will be doling out food very carefully for awhile, but he wants me to put $168.00 a month in a savings account in case of emergencies. NO touching it Mom!
Just writing this has helped me see my blessings. Jason has in a very nonjudgmental and kind way been doing his best to help me and educate me on interest rates, and all that budget stuff that I have never understood before. He has been my boat and is saving me from struggling, and treading water anymore than I need to.
I am so grateful for you all. I really am. I feel that I have friends all over that I can go to when I need a listening ear. I feel the need to tell you that I am glad I felt I could come to you and write down my feelings, that helped me see my blessings.
God bless you all! Love you.....Susan