Today is Sunday, and it's passing, soon to be gone and Monday set to arrive. I have been reflecting on my life today. So many questions have passed through my mind like:
- If I hadn't given up after 5 years of waiting for my husband to come back home, would I still be married?
- Would the kids be better off?
- Would I be better off? He's wealthy. Would I have nice clothes instead of the old clothes I wear day in and day out. Would I have to work? Would I have something to eat besides cereal and bread with peanut butter and honey on it? Would I be more active in my Church, with friends to do things with?
- Would I have a nice car to drive?
- Would I be able to help my parents more?
So many "what if's".
And what if I hadn't married my second husband, so many things would have been different like:
- My children's hearts wouldn't have been broken, and I wouldn't have heard things like, "Mom why does everybody leave us?"
- I wouldn't have found out that one of my daughters was molested by him.
- I wouldn't have had a nervous breakdown that has taken years to recover from.
So many "what if's".
I know I can't live my life wondering what if. I know that, I really do. I don't feel sorry for myself, though it may sound like it. It's just a sore spot in my heart that doesn't seem to heal. And sometimes I can't help but wonder. If I had done things differently? I guess we all think that way at one time or another.
Also, I want to tell you all that Tiah has improved. The post I did about the differences between dogs and people was just that. I had a dog when the kids were growing up. She was the best dog ever. Our yard wasn't affected by her, she was calm and obedient, and you could walk anywhere with her without a leash, because she would stay right by you. She would sit in the front yard and watch the kids play and never run away. And when I found myself alone, she was always there for me. Unfortunately when I moved to Utah I had to leave her behind. Luckily with good friends that took very good care of her until she died at 14 years of age.
Tiah has been a handful, but the first dog I've had on a one to one basis. Different temperament and energy level. But I'm amazed at the changes she has made, and makes everyday. She's a good dog! and I'm grateful to have her.
I love you all, so very much, and I'm grateful for the friendships I have made through blogging. Thanks for listening.